new painting, in the works, and a bloggie award!

little pieces for you.  tease.

I am so in love with this texture!

This canvas is huge.  Huge, I tell ya.  I have never worked on anything so large.  I am excited for what awaits us tonight, in the quiet hours, when I should be sleeping.  There is a sense of darkness here, but so much light too.  I think that is what I always do, and always come back to, in the real world...the land of Valois! And those little houses and triangles, clearly not glued on, are just my little way piecing it all together, before I...piece it all together!

Now, I got a blog award.  How fun.  I guess some love my candid, no frills, tell it like it is, side.  Honestly, I can't live in a fake world and sugar coat anything.  I struggle.  I write about it.  And I feel better after I do.  It seems to work for me, and really bonds us mothers together, eh?

So, Karen, from Ow, My Angst, found here, I humbly thank you.

And maybe I overdo it a bit.  Maybe I should just call a friend.  But I am a writer.  A screamer.  A let it all out-er!  I can't help it.  It puts my world into perspective for me, and somehow helps me cope.  And this is my one tiny space, so I roar!

finding

balance.  balance.  balance.

today, this is what I will live by.

brutally honest moments

I have to have them.  This is where I release them.

It started off two nights ago.  I took two of the girls to Barnes and Noble, and I met a very nice lady at the Thomas the Train set.  We had grown up talked, and I really liked her.  She had two little ones, only a year apart.  When I see this, my eyes bulge.  After telling me their ages, and oh so optimistically, she just said, it is so fun!  Wow.  Fun???  My answer is work, and tears, and screaming, and that is just from me. Add in the tantrums, the demands, the moments she still often wakes in the middle of the night, the pulling on my everything!!! and fun is not my truth.  I so wish it was.

Clearly, there are so many fun moments.  I know this.  I suck it in and try to hang on, because it can change in an instant, and this is true for all my kids.  This is true for me.  But I remember the days, not too long ago, and I dream of them.  I crave them.  I remember the olders getting to that stage where everything is getting easier.  Not easy, never, but at times rather wonderful.  And then we are all hit in the face with the reality of another child.  A DEMANDING child.  And suddenly, my olders don't get what they need.  And it has not changed in two years.  This is not fun.

Today, driving Miss Social Butterfly to a friend outing, Maddy said to me, remember when it was just me and Kelsey.  Remember we used to do so much stuff all the time.  Now we have Paige.  And sadly, I think this sometimes too.  I don't want to, and Paige IS our love.  She has a house full of people wrapped so tight around her every demand.  No wonder she kills me.  She is the center of all our worlds, but it is so exhausting.  Sooooo fucking emotionally exhausting. Clearly, it is for Madison too, and how horribly sad this makes me.

I am hopeful that changes are coming, but holding back the tears until it gets here.


...and when all is said and done, I sit back, and try to let it go.  The house right now is peaceful, for a few minutes anyways.  And I look at happy photos, and all is better this moment.

sometimes a little corny.

and I write little messages to my hubs, for our 13 anniversary, like this. Our little love owl made him smile, and that makes me smile!

Juliette Crane has quickly become one of my favs, and recently she shared her secrets to owl making in Somerset Studio.  She also has an ecourse which looks delightfully fun, but I just followed her simple outline in the magazine and closed the book, wanting to make my owl mine.   I love her, and my hubs does to, so I think our love owl will live on! Here is Juliette's site.  Her paintings are incredible, and I only hope mine will be one day as well! http://juliettecrane.blogspot.com/

A good moment, a rotten day.

I would say the average for rotten days is around 50% these day.  It is depressing.  It usually is from my lack of patience, sleep, and Paige only weeks away from turning two.  Add Maddy's moods, and Kelsey's needs, and woe is me. My hard hard hard baby Paiger is turning into a hard hard hard toddler.  I wonder how to do this all over again.  However, even during the most trying days, there always seems to be a little sunshine, even as we are flooded with rain.  Our moment yesterday was playing on the stairs, in my shoes.

Today's highlight was walking downstairs to babe getting into my ink and sprays.  I cannot believe I left them out last night.  See, too tired to care.   I call this one Puppy Nose.

a good weekend.

taken by hubs at a party.  I love the warm colors, and my new necklace!  Paige walked around all day showing everyone her butterfly!

I got to spend time, individually, with four of my favorite friends.  These days, that just doesn't happen.  And I even had a lunch date, and a milkshake date!  I also took photos of my friend's cute little 1 year old girl. 

not really sure which foto to share, so here is one of my favs! I am now in total editing mode.  I wonder what boredom is? 

Last weekend was a busy one too.  Of course my middle girl turned 9. We had a party as skate city, and babe skated!  It was crazy cute to see such a little person skating. And she was fantastic!

These took some excessive editing, as it was like pitch black!  I got some cool action shots with the lights and disco ball, but have yet to tackle those.

All and all, there have been some trying days this past week, but the weekends have made up for them. The girls pull me all around, and in all different directions, when honestly, I just want my me time.  But, summer starts for us this Thursday, so I am thinking things may settle a little for summer.  Now, how to handle all the fighting!  ugh, a constant challenge!

Her many Colored Days

read here about projects beginning, meaning, and words to My Many Colored Days, Dr. Seuss

Classic Aspie face, long ago.

Page with a different feel, as light colors also feel our hearts.

To my Special K

details

Madison's birthday and her quilt.

It is joyful to see this all done and together.  So loved.  ...lots of love, and blood, in the process, but I finished it around midnight, exactly on her birthday.  She loves it!  Kelsey asked I make her one now, but with NO hearts!!!  I have until August...I think I'll do it!

Everything was made from scratch and pieces of material, old blankets and sheets. I did not buy one single thing for this project, not even thread.  That alone, is pretty amazing!

I'm going to try to get some nice photos of it tomorrow, when the sun shines through our room, and gives me her lovely light!

sticking with the hair theme

I took these of my stylist after my appointment.  So fun.

I love this first one. I think I'll make it b&w!

aside from getting my hair done this week, I keep on mothering.  I have two days to complete this quilt for my M and it is not even close.  Paiger just doesn't make doing anything, for anyone else, easy.  But, being a procrastinator at heart, I believe I will finish! late nights for me...

ok, one more...

Happy Again!

oh dear red hair, I love you and you make me oh so giddy.  And thank you to my daughter Kelsey, not yet 11, for taking this shot for me to show off my happy hair.  Yes, obviously edited, but it seriously is this red in direct sun!  Happy Day!