Friday, June 29, 2012

collaging emotions

I had a rough mothering day yesterday.  Babe number three still takes me to my absolute limits and yesterday I fell off the edge. edit...there are pieces of me that come out, and I have to get myself in control of this.  I love my children so much.  I want them to know every second.

My husband has been gone all summer.  I have never had him home all that much.  I do this alone.  Almost always. But this summer has been even harder.  He is working these bad storms we've had and is only home now on Sundays.  We see him once a week.  Night and day, I take care of this gaggle alone and it is wearing me down.  ...and I have no AC!  Lovely 100 degree days with no cooling, a tired mama, still unpacking, an absurdly hyper and spirited toddler, no husband and I am feeling so defeated.

a little side note, after reading so many comments.  I didn't mean to make this sound so sad, it was merely where I was coming from while making this art!  Thank you all for your kind words.

Paint Party Friday


  1. Daniele, you definitely need some time to be alone and just rest your spirit. Can you get a babysitter for an hour or two? I don't know where you are located?? Even if you just were able to go for a stroll, a movie, or window shopping. Whatever your form of favorite relaxation. Is there another Mom you could trade "time off" with?
    Your mixed media paintings are beautiful and expressive..i can see you "melting down!" and being "caged"!

  2. Gloria's suggestions sound goodly advice. To be honest I don't know how you manage without any support from family. Loving your mixed media and sending you loads of hugs. Happy PPF, Annette x

  3. These pieces are beautiful! Amazing how you can transform difficult feelings to awesome art!

  4. Love your work, try to get some help, you must remember to breath for your self. You are lucky to have your art to turn to when ever you can. Wish I was closer so I could babysit for you...

  5. Oh Daniele, I can't imagine how you can do that alone. But the emotion you are pouring into your art is beautiful! Praying for you.

  6. Awe!!! I am SO sorry to hear that - sounds like a tough time - and to do it on your own must be so hard! We are here for you - and your art is absolutely gorgeous! LOVE to you!! xoxo

  7. Poor you.... sounds like you are really finding things difficult ... wish I could wave a magic wand or give you air conditioning.... instead I'll say how much I love your art... and things will get easier

    Karenx SOC

  8. Daniele,

    i found your blog via Paint Your Story and facebook and I'm so glad I did.

    I remember the days that I lived what you are living. My gaggle has grown, ages 17, 19, 20 and 24 now. My hubby gone with work or hobbies (fishing, hunting, biking, snowmobiling). Fifteen years ago, the online world was in its infancy, so I threw all my anguish into my journals, just as you probably do with your art.

    I wish I'd had someone to tell me a few things when I was a young mother:
    1. Ask for help.
    Mothers think we can be super mom, super wife, super cook, super cleaner, etc. What is the most important is to mother ourselves. Do not hesitate to get a babysitter, friend or neighbor to get out and sit in the public library or wander through stores. Better yet, arrange for your kids to stay at friends and you stay home and create art - undisturbed. You need to restock the well.

    2. Relish the moments.
    I wish I would have just sat with my kids more and tried to be more present with them. When all of my kids were at between the ages of baby and 5, I think I blacked out most of what went on because I was in a constant state of cooking, cleaning, feeding and trying to function from lack of sleep. I wish I would have really just not worried about time and was still with them. Maybe you do this. I didn't.

    3. Document Document Document
    Everything out of the mouths of babes is gold. Think of each day as an opportunity for more to document in the journey of the children.

    Years ago, I made a few drawers in my dresser that were my sanctuary drawers - they were like my toolbox of nurturing items to help me over the rocky bumps. I still have this drawer, it's filled with movies I love, candy, cards from the kids, notes and things that make me smile, my favorite book currently in read. I hope you have a drawer (or room) like this. If not, make it your mission to create one.

    Reach out, Daniele, so many of us have been there and can hold your hand and support you.

    Sending light and love your way,
    Shari :-)

  9. Hello Daniel, I fully understand!! It's good to know you're not alone out there. I have a little one year old girl and 2 boys aged 10 and 12, they are big now and can help me, but I understand how you must be feeling so well! My husband travels so isn't here all the time, when he's away it's hard, you can easily get to breaking point, where you just need that quiet time alone and cool down!! Summer days can be hard for that, the heat can be so tiring, don't despair, the bad hard days come and they go. Enjoy whatever quiet moments you have in your day and do what you most love doing. Take care and create when you get the chance like you do, beautiful collages!

  10. Hey daniele...i hear you my friend....with my kiddos 24 7...i almost gave up rating last week...and my blog....but realised i needed the kind words as pretty much these are the only kind words i get in my life....but i then decided...if i can't get my art on....big that was sorta a weight if my shoulders tho apologise in facebook for not visiting everyone social pieces ...pressure my friend..alleviate that pressure you feel...figure out what you can do that will keep p happy...lots of craft and and silly games...its that eccentric age and she needs you now...know it won't last...ok...another godsend for me with my crazies are dvds ....seriously...even if its an hour if almost peace...and even tho putting a kiddos in front of the tv us politically incorrect...who cares!!!?.if the mamma isn't happy the kids won't be...maddies was and still is my tricky one...dvds calm her...i use them all the time...i bribe her with board games..happy to talk via mail..wish you lived here id gear your kids to hang out with

  11. God...terrible phone typing...grab your kids. to hang with mine...egocentric age...Not eccentric...arting. not rating...soc pieces not social

  12. Especially love that second image of your art!
    Hoping things get easier for you. :)
    Happy PPF!!
    Mixed-Media Map Art

  13. I wonder if you have a place to put a kiddie pool in the shade? Or even put them in the tub with tuff they aren't typically a
    Lowed to play with at bath time? I find putting the littles in some water on not days wears them out and gives mommy time to decompress. I M sorry you hare having hard mommy days. You are creating equatorial art. Happy PPF!

  14. Silly auto correct and typing too small to proofread. "allowed to play with in the tub" is the Thot I had.

  15. I feel for you and hope things become better soon! I can tell these collages are very cathartic - and lovely

  16. I hope you have a better week next week... summer holidays are a trial at the best of times, but doing it on your own would test anyone... hang in there and hope the collages keep helping your sanity...xx

  17. I so feel for your Daniele... your art is beautiful... so full of expression and emotion... I know how hard it can be... everyone needs time for themselves... I think it is a necessity... hope you are able to find that time for YOU... sending BIG hugs and love...

    Jenny Xx

  18. It's hard to raise kids especially when you are doing most of the work yourself. I'm glad you have art where you can express yourself and your emotions. Your pieces are very good! take care of you!

  19. hi there my dear!
    i'm still traveling but thought i would pop in and say hi.
    i hope things are calming down a bit now. ohhhh the highs and lows of motherhood!!!
    i hate hate hate when i hear my mother in my head let alone escaping from my lips makes me want to smack myself in the face. hard.
    i did say a little prayer sending your family relief, calm and joy in your stressful time.
    sending you a big hug!
    xo tracie

  20. Your work is beautiful - I hope it gives you strength. Hang in there...

  21. Your creativity is not in jeopardy. . . I love that you are still creative despite the stress you feel. And this too shall pass. . . but while we are going through it, it is rough. . . you think it will last forever, but it doesn't. (((((HUGS))))) Blessings, Janet PPF

  22. It's the hardest job in the entire world. <3 Your collages are wonderful...what would we do without our art?

  23. How did I miss this? If only we could do acupuncture together! When you have these moments, can you ask your mom to come over so you can take a breather? If only we were neighbors : (
    I'm sorry you have these hard days, but you are strong and you can get through it to love another day. Maybe some afternoon M and I can come over to babysit.

  24. Oh, I so feel for you. My two oldest (very close in age) used to spend lots of time in the bathtub playing--I actually dragged a low lawn chair in there, and I'd sit and draw/write in my joyrnal while they splashed and played...

    I also used to get a sitter one morning a week and take the newspaper and go have breakfast. I remember telling the waitress, "Don't feel like you need to talk to me, I'm happy to be alone, eating a meal where I don't have to cut up food for anyone. Just keep the coffee coming!"

    I hope you can get a break. I'll be thinking of you...

  25. Daniele, thanks for sharing your experiences with us. All parents feel this way from time to time, and we all need opportunities to vent.

    I like Karen's idea of getting a sitter and taking some time each week just for yourself, whether it's a lunch date, uninterrupted time in the studio, shopping, or exercise. Two of my close girlfriends have four children and tell me this is the only way they're able to recharge their batteries in a chaotic week.

    These collages are so expressive...I find that my best work usually comes out of times when I am venting!

  26. Hello Dearest, so sorry to hear of your struggle. I think every parent goes through these times and the circumstances don't always seem to make it easier. It can definitely be trying to feel like you are doing it all yourself, all of the time. Sometimes you need a break away from it all and time to just be, I think that is really important, not only for you, but for your kids. If I was there, I'd come watch your kids and give you a day. I think you are a terrific momma, it's ok to have moments of frustration, we all have them, whether it's with kids or other people. :/ I hope you have someone nearby, who can rescue you for a day, here and there.
    I love your art collage though, it is quite beautiful and expressive. I hope today is a happier and cooler one. Big hugs!

  27. We've all been there, but it's so much harder when you're IN it then when you've been through it. Mothering is the hardest thing I did and it's obvious that you are a devoted won't always get it right, but you have to give yourself the grace to make mistakes too. I liked your comment on the "nanas" on my blog. That's what my nephew used to call it when he was nursing! I may have already mentioned that you have your blog settings as a no-reply blogger. If you'd like to change it, I have a blog post about it HERE

  28. I went through one year with only seeing my husband on holidays or weekends, so I know a bit about what you are going through. It is rough being the only one around to parent. I hope that life gets easier for you soon. I think that it will get easier as the kids get older- at least in some respects. Hang in there and know that you have people thinking of you.

  29. I don't know how you do it....I just have the one and feel at my wit's end at times!

    Your kids and Hubby are so lucky that you are the woman you are :)


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