Saturday, January 28, 2012
Letting go must just be a life lesson. So many things get bottled up, and really we just need to breath and let go. And this is true for this long cardboard painting I made in early fall called Live a Colorful Life. Right after I made it, and posted in on FB, I was asked by an old friend from years back, if I was selling it. Immediately I said no. I just couldn't let go of this, but in reality she has a great home for it. She just opened her own Montessori school, and how wonderful that she would like to make it a home there with her students. So, I told her I would make her a painting, but I never did. This painting just rests on its side in my room. It has never had a true home. My husband asked what was to become of it, and I just said I didn't know and that I keep wondering if it is meant for that school. He said it must be. So, I am shipping it off as a gift, for an old friend with a perfect home.
Sometimes I wonder if I was holding on to this happy place in this painting. I don't feel happy often. I don't really talk about it much, but in all honesty, my days are dark. I feel dark. I struggle and struggle raising these girls, and I just know I am not all that good at it. I love them, and I want to give them a life like in this picture, but I am not like this painting. It is so idealistic though. A dream. (ok, I will add, it really has just been a bad dark week. I don't think I feel this bad that often. I am really just writing from where I am at right this moment, this week.)
I was told recently that I do seem to paint in lots of color and lots of pink. How odd really. My walls are burgundy, I wear tons of dark clothes... but color does come out all over my life.
So in the dark, I see bursts of color, and in the struggles of Aspergers, needs, tantrums, noise, and need need need, color still shines through.
Posted by Daniele Valois at 6:38 PM