Letting Go...

Letting go must just be a life lesson.  So many things get bottled up, and really we just need to breath and let go.  And this is true for this long cardboard painting I made in early fall called Live a Colorful Life. Right after I made it, and posted in on FB, I was asked by an old friend from years back, if I was selling it.  Immediately I said no.  I just couldn't let go of this, but in reality she has a great home for it.  She just opened her own Montessori school, and how wonderful that she would like to make it a home there with her students.  So, I told her I would  make her a painting, but I never did.  This painting just rests on its side in my room.  It has never had a true home.  My husband asked what was to become of it, and I just said I didn't know and that I keep wondering if it is meant for that school.  He said it must be.  So, I am shipping it off as a gift, for an old friend with a perfect home.

Sometimes I wonder if I was holding on to this happy place in this painting.  I don't feel happy often.  I don't really talk about it much, but in all honesty, my days are dark.  I feel dark. I struggle and struggle raising these girls, and I just know I am not all that good at it.  I love them, and I want to give them a life like in this picture, but I am not like this painting.  It is so idealistic though.  A dream.  (ok, I will add, it really has just been a bad dark week.  I don't think I feel this bad that often.  I am really just writing from where I am at right this moment, this week.)

I was told recently that I do seem to paint in lots of color and lots of pink.  How odd really.  My walls are burgundy, I wear tons of dark clothes... but color does come out all over my life.

So in the dark, I see bursts of color, and in the struggles of Aspergers, needs, tantrums, noise, and need need need, color still shines through.