New collages, partly done.

I am overwhelmed with to do.  And more to do.  Happily, I snuck away this evening to go write at b&n.  Is there anything more fun?  I think not!  I have my first story, and letter to my teacher, due May 30th.  Writing tonight put a lot of things in prospective for me.  Thankfully!  But Holy Moly, how will I ever fit this in?  What have I gotten myself into?

Here are some artsy works in progress.

 My first attempt at collaging with beeswax.  Encaustic art, if you will.  ...this is nearly done, which definitely means, not yet done!

 and a second layer of butterflies for this beauty. I do not know where this is going.  I love this simple butterfly beauty as is for now.  ...Can't you tell that I am very pleased with this week's work.  Don't forget that scrappy quilt for Madison's birthday.  Still giddy, yes indeedy!

no editing today, forgive the darkness!

Our Apple Tree in Bloom!

ah, glorious spring!

Sewing Sewing Sewing

My deadline is quickly approaching.  Madison turns 9 in less than two weeks.  I have work to do!  I will admit, this is not an easy task with Paiger near by, but we're doing it, and I am giddy with the results.  I am seriously feeling joyful once again.

(I've been sewing sew (hehe...so) much, Paige woke up and told me "I want to sew Mama!"  haha, not even 2 yet!

Go here to see the first pics of these shabby, organic, adventure of mine!

I'm thinking

I may send this one in.

Suddenly this little piece is speaking to me, and I think it may be my favorite. I don't want to let it go though.

Hubs says I have to blog like everyday.  Funny, since I don't seek out new readers, but if I am to listen to my heart, and work, write, and create, I guess I must start truly blogging.  And since it is just a do day, and I know I've shared this piece before, I now share again!

My week has been dark.  Really dark.  So much pain and sadness.  Melancholy, certainly.  But anger at myself as well.  But this afternoon, I had a release, and I feel good again.  Let's hope for cheery skies soon. And I am going to create tonight!

In contrast

to yesterdays post, here is a little more in Kelsey's book, and a background/journaling piece I started.

This is an OLD one of the girls.  So long before Paiger!  My journaling here and in the next page (not shown yet) is about Kelsey's faces.

This is a fab background I made, well fab to me! This was an exciting day for me, and I saw new dreams form, and realizing that they can come true.

Thanks for understanding yesterdays post.  And thanks for the wonderful comments.  Lovely to know I am not alone and am free to say what I need to say!

Anger

I woke up angry.  Angry I don't get enough sleep.  Angry that I have to homeschool.  Angry that babe is nearly 2 and loud and full of her own anger.  Angry.

I was then angry at how hard it is sometimes to get Kelsey to function.  I am talking real anger.  I thought my head was going to rip at some seam, and my screams would shake our house.  Angry.

Last night, watching Parenthood, I got angry.  When Adam yelled at Max, I thought good. Max needs to see how absurd he acts.  My daughter has AS and she gets it, because I cannot sugar coat everything and have us all live in denial.  Then Max asked his dad if he was angry at him having Aspergers.  No, of course not.  But the sad thing is, I was like YES!  I am angry that you have Aspergers.  I am not mad at you necessarily, but I am mad at it all.  Why do we have to struggle like this? Why can't you just get it?  WHY? WHY? WHY?

When our morning school struggles hit, and Kelsey's nasty mess of a room and bathroom, I just couldn't take it anymore. I wanted to scream I am so angry at this.  I hate that you are like this.  I hate it.  ...but I love you.  Completely.  I love you, but why??? and why? and why?

I didn't say this to her.  I was thinking it, while my head nearly ripped apart.

I wanted Adam to say this too.  I want to feel ok for these feelings.  But Parenthood is a tv show, and I am living with it for real.  And my daughter will always struggle.

Then the baby poured milk all over the table and all over the floor and all over the bench.  And I went from angry, to pissed.

It was not a fun morning.

and then I calmed down.  I know baby is sick and she is crabby and 2 year olds left will indeed find a bowl of milk, that Kelsey did not put away, and will spill it everywhere for fun.  Of course they will.

The rest of the day got better.  It always does.

I made these a few years ago.  They were my second and third published pages.  I love them as they really reflect the mothering struggles and joys I felt, all within a 24 hour period. I wish I had time to make some pieces now.  I know it would help.  But I don't have the luxury of time, and that also, makes me very angry.  

A tiny project, con't

I worked a little more, and I mean very little, on this book about Kels this week.  My mom was in town, and we were busy buying her a house!  ...and we went shopping and on dates too!

I posted a little about this book a couple weeks back.  It is really my therapy about my Kelsey, and her struggles.  I am so happy with how it is turning out. And when I think about her, and her hardships, and the energy it takes at times, I always come down to the simple truth that she is my girl, and I think she is perfect.

These are a bit dark, I know.  I am not in editing mode today, and the skies are gloomy.  There are black pom poms on the top!  Down below is a work in progress pic!

 Decided on no buttons.  Not really Kelsey.

This mini book is simply paper.  Most of it is doubled up and sewn together. I love the colors and crazy mess which really is Kelsey.    The text is the story My Many Colored Days, by Dr. Seuss.

Some days are yellow.

Some are blue.

On different days I'm different too.

You'd be surprised how many ways

I change on Different Colored Days.

On Bright Red Days

how good it feels 

to be a horse

and KICK my heels!

On other days I'm other things.

On Bright Blue Days

I flap my wings.

Some days, of course,

feel sort of Brown.

Then I feel slow

and low,

low 

down.

Then comes a Yellow Day.

And, WHEEEEEEEEEE

I am a busy buzzy bee.

Gray Day...Everything is gray.

I watch.  But nothing moved today.

Then all of a sudden 

I'm a circus seal!

On my Orange Days 

that's how I feel.

Green Days.  Deep deep in the sea.

Cool and quiet fish. That's me.

On purple Days

I'm sad.

I groan.  

I drag my tail.  

I walk alone.

But when my days are Happy Pink

it's great to jump

and just not think.

Then comes my Black Days.

MAD.

And loud.

I howl.

I growl at every cloud.

Then comes a Mixed-Up Day.

and WHAM!

I don't know 

who 

or what

I am!

But it all turns out all right,

you see.

And I go back 

to being...

ME!

Spring pleasures.

and so many thanks to Audrey at The Daily Wyatt for picking my first foto here for her top 5.  

Ramblings

This week has somewhat been normal. School, homeschooling, eating, cleaning, laughing, playing.  Not much time for arting, or blogging, but I have taken some baby steps in life this week, with hopeful outcomes, and moving towards future dreams.

My mom is also here, looking for a house to buy.  She has been planning on moving here, and is now able.  Retirement is treating her well!  And she brought me out this picture, taken when I was 3, with Augie the Doggie, to use in my childhood journal.  LOVE this photo.  I was so round and chubby, white and cute! Augie the Doggie was my first love.

I have had some physical ailments this year.  It has taken over my life, and I am starting to believe has also caused many of my mental struggles. Yesterday I went to the dr. to help makes these all better.  I am hopeful that the cause of my issues is what we think, and it is now gone, and I can get back to being myself.  I really hope, because a year of sickness, emotions and such, have not been good for our family. I am ready for balance again.  Really really ready. Sadly, I woke up with the same sickness I have been having this year, but let's hope it just takes a few days.

There are a couple things working against me.  I must find my balance.

Back to my mother's visit.  She helped with watch baby so I could go to Dr.  And baby was happy! Oh, relief!  Paige is changing so much lately, and learning to trust others.  This has been ever so helpful and well accepted. After a rather painful Dr. experience, we all went to Cinzetti's.  We don't eat out really, ever, with the youngling, and I was fearful.  ...but she was delightful.  So good, sweet, cute.  Paiger sat in a big girl chair, napkin tucked into her clean light pink shirt, and she ate with her fork, and it was just too cute.  She had no issues when I got up to get my food, and desserts!!!, and again, I was just flabbergasted at my little young lady. Papa showed up as we were about to leave, so Kels and I took Paige home, and let hubs eat with Grandma, and give Madison more time for her 5th helping of dessert.  Oh, that place is just too much!  Too much everything, and it was a fantastic end to our day.

Here is a recent photo I took of Paiger.  Must edit out Bella.  I am thinking of painting the background in this one.  Something very girly. Wings perhaps.  Overdone?  Maybe.

Today I went searching.

for something I remembered wrong, and didn't find.  Clearly, it just doesn't exist.  But what does exist is this man, jammin' to his own tune.  I think we should all jam to our own beat.  Leave behind all ideals of what we should do, and do what we truly feel within.

This photo makes me really happy.  So, not what I went out looking for, but here I sit, dancing along to this tune!

and my friend wore green shoes!

Flashback to The Wizarding World of Harry Potter

Because we love Harry soooo much...we named our bird after him, read aloud the novels almost daily, watch the movies nearly every weekend, listen to the music in the car! you have to beg Grandma to take the family to Orlando for Thanksgiving...for the kids, of course!

I am making our photo journal of our trip, so the pics are fresh in my mind.  What a better time than now to share here too.  ...and since one of my best friends ever just moved to FL, we are planning a trip next winter to go visit her... and of course to get more butterbeer!

Looking up at its grandness! 

Shop window, and me!

oh Gilderoy! you Wizardly Wizard you!  (haha) ...There were moving pictures and all!

Allow me to introduce you to your new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher; me. Gilderoy Lockhart, Order of Merlin, Third Class, Honorary member of the Dark Force Defense League, and five time winner of Witch Weekly's Most Charming Smile Award. But I don't talk about that; I didn't get rid of the Banden Banshee by smiling at him.

Kelsey is in Ravenclaw! but Maddy is Gryffindor the whole way!  BTW, Butterbeer is the most delicious drink on this earth!  I am not exaggerating.  We drank so many, we couldn't stop.  Even hubs came back from the bathroom with another mug of thick sugary cream goodness!  oh my...

Honeydukes Sweet Shop!

oh yes!

Hogwarts at night! oooh...  The inside was absolutely outstanding! 

When our wizarding adventure was over, two days worth of intense crowds and heat (Colorado girl here, not used to heat and humidity at the end of November!) we made our way to Disney and this is the picture I took from outside our room.  Oh heaven.  I didn't care so much about the Disney part, but staying at Disney was a whole different story.  It was beautiful and fun!

I saved a treat for the girls from Honeydukes though.  When we got into our hotels and pulled out a surprise!

Pieces of Madison's Quilt

I am so pleased with this.  I have about a month until her birthday.  Cannot wait to give it to my Maddy!

I am going to link up to one of my favorite sites, because it is just so fun! I learned... that I don't need to know how to quilt to make an awesome birthday quilt for my daughter.  I am just making it up, all scraps from baby clothes and baby blankets!

Works in Progress

First off, and this takes on 100% of my every speck of time and patience, I am just trying to get through Paige at 21 months! No kidding.  She seriously is sucking the life out of me, and if I survive, I will then know that I can do anything!

Second, I am always, ever so slowly, working on 2007 family album. Here is a pic of the second half of the year, and I believe I will be done with it in the next moth or so...maybe!

I am also working on four mini albums.  This one pictures here below is made from paper and fabric scraps, and is all about Kelsey and Aspergers.  This has been a my personal therapy. Two are about me, and The last one is my very favorite of all, pregnancy book of Paige. This one is turning out amazing, and I might finish it in five or so years!

Remember this?

Well, I am at the lids again.  Here is a peak.  Hopefully, it will be done in a week or so! The Theme?

  

We have too many coke cans in our recycling bin.  These are going to be wired into an old glassless frame, painted black. Husband is helping me!

and the biggest project I am squeezing in, is a scrappy quilt for my Madison.  Her birthday is in May, and she will be 9 (holy no way!) and I wanted to do something really special, and really her.  All the material are scraps, baby clothes etc.  I am really excited, and really hope I can finish it in time.  No fotos yet, but I can't wait to see this come to life.

And on a home note, we just had our Spring Break.  We had a few outings and such, but the highlight was we built a fort in our living room, and the girls camped out.  Each night we had a different camping treat, smores and such, and the girls were giddy with happy camping-in-our-living-room times!

and for a few quick snapshots...
Maddy took to her own sewing project!

 I love watching my almost 9 year old sew!

 The campsite!

Smores!

 Madison's finished project. A scarf.  This is what she wore on an outing.  She looked way too cute!

They watched movies while camping. They camped 3 or 4 nights.  Can't remember.  And it was warm too!