an Aspergers type of day. again.

Despite the sunshine, and the fact that I put on real clothes and make-up, straightened my bangs and all!!!, it has been a hard day.  I went to my neighbors mom/church gathering at her home.  It was centered around mothering, and lots and lots of little ones everywhere.  Amazing, wonderful, moms drinking decaf coffee and eating yummy little snacks. (I drank real coffee, with lots and lots of caffeine!) I was excited to get out, even just to go to the next door over!!!  haha, kinda sad!, and talk and maybe pick up a trick or two. Wow, do I ever feel like a looser.  Geez.  I am so not functioning compared to these women, it is just sad.  So, I listened a lot, and didn't talk (amazing!) and I tried to take in some things that I can do to help me in the home.  I left early, had to pick up M, and I walked in and Kelsey was in complete melt down after I said one simple thing.  Oh my, I just came out of the house of so together women, juggling all these kids, and they all looked great, and SLAM, my reality set in, and no wonder I struggle so hard.  I explained to Kelsey, while trying to quickly change a boom boom and run to get Maddy, what I expected from her today.  She needs to catch up on her school work, and I need help around the house.  We need to all work together and get our home together, and our work done.  I know I just said that twice, but mothering Kelsey, I repeat a lot!  Kelsey, couldn't handle this I guess, and we are back to tears.  And more tears, and life is suddenly hard, and I don't know why.  Why?

I had a LONG talk with a developmental Dr. man the other night.  We are not working with him, but he took an hour to talk to me on the phone about some things.  Kelsey is so in her head, that everything that does not revolve around her, what she wants to do, where her mind is at the moment, makes her upset.  Apparently, this is a typical thing for children like Kelsey.  So, what have I been doing all these year?  I have been bending over backwards to help eliminate these episodes, and guess where it has gotten us?  At some point, I need to say, we need to get ready, leave this house, and I expect you to be ready in 1 hour, with out a crying episode.

Kelsey says she longs for a simple life, as long as we don't get bored. haha.  We have a pretty simple life, the only way to make it simpler is to not make her do school work, or ever get out of bed.  We will let her hair dred, and never clean.  Oddly enough, she wants chickens, and an entire farm to take care of, I guess as long as mother does everything.

I am exhausted.

I suddenly am really questioning how I run this house.  I never stuck to a strict schedule, as Kelsey's moods and such change all the time. But, I wonder if I need to create and stick to some sort of type plan/ Because whatever I am doing, is not working. I can do this better.

After this episode, I went to pick up Maddy, and I actually got out of the car and socialized. Amazing!  I surrounded myself with other moms that were still having little ones, and I talked, although I still feel pretty pathetic in my attempts to do this.

btw, I just put school work on hold, again, to let the kids play with the hose outside.  It is too nice, and Kelsey's mood has changed dramatically. See, can't schedule at all!  I think I'll go take a photo and draw with baby on the sidewalk!